stylinsmut:
the first smut i ever read was about a girl listening to these people having sex in a bathroom stall and when they were done she snuck in and it was like “she saw semen all over the floor and bent over to pick one up”
she picked up a sperm
just one
so, what if during the middle of a heated argument with your boyfriend he had the power to just say “blow job time” and you had to do it? i mean, if your angry maybe that isn’t the best thing for him because what if you used teeth. of course, he could always kill you. i mean, wouldn’t he just have to suffocate you with his dick and plug your nose? death by dick.
these are the conversations i have at work with my friend. what. is. our. problem? 
hobolunchbox:
In, right, left, right, twerk, and out.
that moment when youre laying down in my bed and see a spider crawling on my ceiling and you just freeze up and stare at it hoping that it doesn’t decide to ninja flip off the ceiling and land on you.
tastefullyoffensive:
“Don’t drive too fast or someone might think you’re… up to something.”
[via]
karen-valentine:
chianina:
heyfunniest:
Someone get this guy a fucking medal.
They made birth control for men. However it never got past the clinical testing stage because its side effects were things like “moodiness, extreme cramping, hunger, increased sexual drive” and were considered INHUMANE.
what the fuck do they think women go through every goddamn month seriously
|